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I may be in for a hell of a day at work. I worked on my thesis yesterday after the post doc finally got back to me. All of a sudden I was supposed to change the entire style of the thesis and cut it in half. Right after he makes sure that my intro is like 8 pages long. Whatever. If he wants it cut he needs to help me.
I had a great weekend strangely enough. I say strangely enough because lots of things fell through. My boyfriend got a cold on sat and so we spent sat night and sunday having a lazy time of it at his place. And I gotta say it was great. I was upset about my thesis and he was there to listen. I don't intend this lj to become "Why Arachne8x is so happy in her relationship" the whole idea makes me shudder. But like my roommate I feel the need to name a hero for once. My man is my hero for the month. He has been there for me to talk to and to be listened to. He has reassured me that what is going on is not my fault. He has reassured me that I am not just too stupid to go to grad school. I feel really smart when I am around him and really pretty. I hope he reads this entry so that he knows I appreciate it.
So on the whole I feel lucky. Sad that I have to deal with more than my fair share of shit at work and in the logistics parts of my life. But I feel lucky that I finally let down my guard long enough to let someone in. I used to say I wasn't against people being in happy couples... I just knew it wasn't for me. As much as I valued my independence and like spending time by myself its nice to have someone to share things with. So in the end I say this... I was never half a person. My new bf does not make me whole. He does not complete me. I was already complete. But he compliments me. He stands by my side and is willing to put with me in my dark self-pitying moods. And while I still think I would have been fine alone for the rest of my life if it had worked out that way, I am happy that right now I have him to comfort me and revel with me.
To all those lonely and alone... remember that in life you will always need to like yourself enough to spend time alone. And if you don't yet you need to make the changes in your life that get you there. Because you are going to have to be the one there for you regardless of who you have in life.
To all those triumphant and alone... props to you. I have left your ranks for once. I feel good about it but I also respect who you are and am pleased that you are secure enough in yourselves to make those choices.
To all those happy and in a relationship... props to you. Its hard letting someone else in. Its hard putting someone else in a position where they can hurt you and you can hurt them. Its hard letting someone become that important to you. I wish you good fortune and hope that you are truly happy.
To all those unhappy and in a relationship... I hope you have the strength to make the changes you need to make. I hope that you have the self-love you need to get you through this. Remember your friends are important people in times like these. Let them help you.
And to my new man and myself... I am happy I let my guard down. I am happy and terrified that I am taking this risk. But I feel like so far I am winning finally. I have been playing dice with fate over so many things and this time I feel like I rolled a twenty.
I had a great weekend strangely enough. I say strangely enough because lots of things fell through. My boyfriend got a cold on sat and so we spent sat night and sunday having a lazy time of it at his place. And I gotta say it was great. I was upset about my thesis and he was there to listen. I don't intend this lj to become "Why Arachne8x is so happy in her relationship" the whole idea makes me shudder. But like my roommate I feel the need to name a hero for once. My man is my hero for the month. He has been there for me to talk to and to be listened to. He has reassured me that what is going on is not my fault. He has reassured me that I am not just too stupid to go to grad school. I feel really smart when I am around him and really pretty. I hope he reads this entry so that he knows I appreciate it.
So on the whole I feel lucky. Sad that I have to deal with more than my fair share of shit at work and in the logistics parts of my life. But I feel lucky that I finally let down my guard long enough to let someone in. I used to say I wasn't against people being in happy couples... I just knew it wasn't for me. As much as I valued my independence and like spending time by myself its nice to have someone to share things with. So in the end I say this... I was never half a person. My new bf does not make me whole. He does not complete me. I was already complete. But he compliments me. He stands by my side and is willing to put with me in my dark self-pitying moods. And while I still think I would have been fine alone for the rest of my life if it had worked out that way, I am happy that right now I have him to comfort me and revel with me.
To all those lonely and alone... remember that in life you will always need to like yourself enough to spend time alone. And if you don't yet you need to make the changes in your life that get you there. Because you are going to have to be the one there for you regardless of who you have in life.
To all those triumphant and alone... props to you. I have left your ranks for once. I feel good about it but I also respect who you are and am pleased that you are secure enough in yourselves to make those choices.
To all those happy and in a relationship... props to you. Its hard letting someone else in. Its hard putting someone else in a position where they can hurt you and you can hurt them. Its hard letting someone become that important to you. I wish you good fortune and hope that you are truly happy.
To all those unhappy and in a relationship... I hope you have the strength to make the changes you need to make. I hope that you have the self-love you need to get you through this. Remember your friends are important people in times like these. Let them help you.
And to my new man and myself... I am happy I let my guard down. I am happy and terrified that I am taking this risk. But I feel like so far I am winning finally. I have been playing dice with fate over so many things and this time I feel like I rolled a twenty.
