Great Day Yesterday

So there are three professors at WHOI who would like me to work with them as a PhD student. I am really thrilled. I would love to work with two of them and everyone is convinced that I will get in. I hope so. All I have to do is get someone here at school to write me a good letter of recommendation.

YAY!!!

Friends

I am so so lucky to have my friends.

Most of you have known me for at most a year and you are now so close to me and dear to my heart.

Thanks for the support. Thanks for the hugs and backrubs. Thanks for the dinners out and coffees. Thanks for the drinks. Thanks for the dancing. Thanks for the roleplaying when I needed to deal with someone elses problems for a change.

Thanks for listening and IM'ing. Thanks for reassuring me that my troubles have not been because I am not smart enough or work hard enough.

Thanks for everything in other words. We are not done with this carnival ride by a long shot but while I am passing the instant camera I want to send a smile out to those who care about me. I think the rest of the trip will be a little less scary since I know y'all are with me every drop and turn.

ok serious bad shit

So my advisor asked me how my trip to WHOI went yesterday. And I told him the good news. And he said so you are transferring then?
And I said yeah. He said well you were supposed to TA two classes. And I said I didn't know that no one told me. And he said well I am telling you now.

Then he said if I was going to transfer I should do so immediately. And that the department would not want to pay for me to finish the masters. That I had taken too long to do it. And that he didn't want me to do it for a generals project.
So now I am kinda screwed. The people at WHOI don't know if they can fund me this semester. The director of my lab today saw no problem with this arrangement. And now this dickhead will not work with me.

I knew this would backfire. I knew that somehow it wouldn't work. But I was trying to be optimistic. He pretended to want what is best for me and be interested in my success. Now he is acting offended like I knew he would.

Dammit. So now I don't know if I have funding and at best I have to start completely over with my research. And I have him against me.

He is a maniac. I wouldn't be surprised to find out that he has some kind of mental disorder. I mean the man said on tuesday that maybe I would be happier working with someone else and now he pulls this?

He even said on wednesday that he thought me transferring to WHOI might be good. He acted all supportive. Kept saying he wanted me to be inspired and successful.

All week he has been telling me he wants me to go to him for help and that that is why I am unsuccessful. And today I did go to him for help before he asked me about Woods Hole. And then when I asked him he said you and John, the postdoc, figure it out. Why haven't I been coming to him? I wonder!

I feel like going to the department head, but I am afraid to make matters worse. I shouldn't have had to put up with this though. I wish I had taken a tape recorder so that I would have evidence of the way he has been treating me. Its just hearsay if I say anything.

I was so happy and now I am so fucked.

I hate him. I really hate him.

And I don't know why fate keeps playing me these cards. I must have done something really awful to deserve all this shit.