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sexual harrassment
Based on a recent post I jump into the trench again to
get ready for the fire I know that will be generated by my statements here, but I feel the need to respond to some of the comments that were generated by a recent post, please read it and the comments attached if you want to know what I am referring to, its the one entitled "the real issues".
What did she do to get called a cunt? What? Thats what you respond with?
So the implication is that in some cases women deserve to be called these names? That is a load of crap.
Now look, I know that many men feel victimized by these rules because they feel like their actions are indefensible. And maybe sometimes this is true, maybe some men do get victimized by this policy, but for many their actions seem indefensible because they truly do not have a good reason for what they have done, what they have done is rude, and doesn't belong in the workplace.
Sexual harrassment has behind it the desire to make women, and others feel safe in the workplace.
Should I develop a tougher skin? I am sorry but thats not the issue.
Example:
When I was in junior high this guy that sat behind me in spanish class (we had assigned seats) would whisper throughout the entire period about how he was going to have sex with me, in graphic detail. I was unpopular at the time and he did it to make me miserable. I went to the principal, and I believe I was right in doing so. I was scared to sit in front of him back then because of those things he said to me, I shouldn't have to shrug off things like that in the place I work or go to school.
Everyone should have a right to feel safe around their coworkers and students. Are sexual harrassment laws and regs going to provide that safety? To a certain extent yes. These rules give those who have been made to feel frightened and upset a way to deal with someone who is making them feel that way.
And so what about the jokes that make us uncomfortable? Should we shrug those off too? I know that many feel that these laws go too far, but try to imagine what its like to be the only woman in an office. Try to imagine what it feels like to hear stories constantly where women are referred to as whores and bitches. Try to imagine what it would feel like to have to endure locker room talk at your workplace and still feel safe around these people. Is it a false sense of security that squelching this talk in the workplace provides? Perhaps, but it is a measure that can mean the difference between being able to get on with your day and do work, or not. Its important that people are treated with respect and care in the workplace.
I have worked in all male environments, and most of the experiences were favorable because I worked with nice guys, but I have heard of some of the jokes that were passed around in my friends office. He sent me one of the tamest by email, and I opened it at work. I was really glad that none of the guys were in the office just then because I was really embarrassed.
When you are the only woman in sight, and especially if you are younger, as I was, it can be very difficult to relate with your coworkers. I used to try to have lunch with them but they always talked about things that didn't interest me so I went and lunched by myself with a book. I was lucky that I worked with guys who were nice enough that I felt comfortable with them, but if they had leered at me, ogled me, talked to me about how sexy I looked, made sexual jokes around me, and done any number of things that some would feel are things I should just shrug off or at best be flattered by, I would have felt unsafe around them. I would have felt uncomfortable being alone in the office with them, or working late by myself. I would have been scared that their comments might lead to some kind of sexual assault, or just unwanted advances.
It sucks feeling scared of the people you work with. I know how that feels. It makes you unhappy enough that you can't work. I don't think develop a thick hide is always the answer although I do know some of the regs go too far. I think that people have a right to work in a place where explicit sexual conversation, porn watching, sexual jokes, and sexual advances are not considered appropriate, and
I think that most men that I call friends, who are kind, intelligent and care about women, would not want to make female coworkers feel uncomfortable around them, would not want to make them feel scared of them. Does it ruin the fun and relaxed atmosphere for a while? Maybe, but its a poor comic who can't be funny without using sex and gender as a tool.
I have a thicker skin than many when it comes to jokes my friends tell, movies they watch and things they say to me, but at work I expect to be treated with respect and professionalism and I don't think that is too much to ask, especially when the people I work with are ones I go out to the field with, work in boats with, and otherwise have to spend long hours alone with. I don't think its too much to ask to request that those times we behave in ways that allow those around us to feel safe.
Do men feel victimized by these rules? Maybe, but to piggyback on a comment to the post that generated this dicussion, maybe the men that do this deserve to be victimized by a certain extent. I am not condoning witch hunts, but I don't think its wrong to ask men (or women) for that matter to leave the sexual comments, porn, and jokes at home when they go to the office. Before you decide that the perpetrator is actually the victim, truly consider his/her actions and decide for yourself whether they were truly innocent, or whether they behaved in a way they knew was inappropriate.
get ready for the fire I know that will be generated by my statements here, but I feel the need to respond to some of the comments that were generated by a recent post, please read it and the comments attached if you want to know what I am referring to, its the one entitled "the real issues".
What did she do to get called a cunt? What? Thats what you respond with?
So the implication is that in some cases women deserve to be called these names? That is a load of crap.
Now look, I know that many men feel victimized by these rules because they feel like their actions are indefensible. And maybe sometimes this is true, maybe some men do get victimized by this policy, but for many their actions seem indefensible because they truly do not have a good reason for what they have done, what they have done is rude, and doesn't belong in the workplace.
Sexual harrassment has behind it the desire to make women, and others feel safe in the workplace.
Should I develop a tougher skin? I am sorry but thats not the issue.
Example:
When I was in junior high this guy that sat behind me in spanish class (we had assigned seats) would whisper throughout the entire period about how he was going to have sex with me, in graphic detail. I was unpopular at the time and he did it to make me miserable. I went to the principal, and I believe I was right in doing so. I was scared to sit in front of him back then because of those things he said to me, I shouldn't have to shrug off things like that in the place I work or go to school.
Everyone should have a right to feel safe around their coworkers and students. Are sexual harrassment laws and regs going to provide that safety? To a certain extent yes. These rules give those who have been made to feel frightened and upset a way to deal with someone who is making them feel that way.
And so what about the jokes that make us uncomfortable? Should we shrug those off too? I know that many feel that these laws go too far, but try to imagine what its like to be the only woman in an office. Try to imagine what it feels like to hear stories constantly where women are referred to as whores and bitches. Try to imagine what it would feel like to have to endure locker room talk at your workplace and still feel safe around these people. Is it a false sense of security that squelching this talk in the workplace provides? Perhaps, but it is a measure that can mean the difference between being able to get on with your day and do work, or not. Its important that people are treated with respect and care in the workplace.
I have worked in all male environments, and most of the experiences were favorable because I worked with nice guys, but I have heard of some of the jokes that were passed around in my friends office. He sent me one of the tamest by email, and I opened it at work. I was really glad that none of the guys were in the office just then because I was really embarrassed.
When you are the only woman in sight, and especially if you are younger, as I was, it can be very difficult to relate with your coworkers. I used to try to have lunch with them but they always talked about things that didn't interest me so I went and lunched by myself with a book. I was lucky that I worked with guys who were nice enough that I felt comfortable with them, but if they had leered at me, ogled me, talked to me about how sexy I looked, made sexual jokes around me, and done any number of things that some would feel are things I should just shrug off or at best be flattered by, I would have felt unsafe around them. I would have felt uncomfortable being alone in the office with them, or working late by myself. I would have been scared that their comments might lead to some kind of sexual assault, or just unwanted advances.
It sucks feeling scared of the people you work with. I know how that feels. It makes you unhappy enough that you can't work. I don't think develop a thick hide is always the answer although I do know some of the regs go too far. I think that people have a right to work in a place where explicit sexual conversation, porn watching, sexual jokes, and sexual advances are not considered appropriate, and
I think that most men that I call friends, who are kind, intelligent and care about women, would not want to make female coworkers feel uncomfortable around them, would not want to make them feel scared of them. Does it ruin the fun and relaxed atmosphere for a while? Maybe, but its a poor comic who can't be funny without using sex and gender as a tool.
I have a thicker skin than many when it comes to jokes my friends tell, movies they watch and things they say to me, but at work I expect to be treated with respect and professionalism and I don't think that is too much to ask, especially when the people I work with are ones I go out to the field with, work in boats with, and otherwise have to spend long hours alone with. I don't think its too much to ask to request that those times we behave in ways that allow those around us to feel safe.
Do men feel victimized by these rules? Maybe, but to piggyback on a comment to the post that generated this dicussion, maybe the men that do this deserve to be victimized by a certain extent. I am not condoning witch hunts, but I don't think its wrong to ask men (or women) for that matter to leave the sexual comments, porn, and jokes at home when they go to the office. Before you decide that the perpetrator is actually the victim, truly consider his/her actions and decide for yourself whether they were truly innocent, or whether they behaved in a way they knew was inappropriate.
the problem
Sexual harrassment policy is there to do one thing: protect the company from lawsuits against the company. Making the workplace a more respectful environment is a desirable side effect, but only a side effect. If that isn't achieved, oh well. Lets just not pay our lawyers any more than we have to, ok?
Manager's perspective:
I don't want to have to deal with this. If I do, I want to get out of the situation without making myself look bad. All I need to figure out is how likely the alleged victim is to sue or go over my head about this and whether I'm paying these people to harrass each other when they should be working.
Worker's perspective:
If I say something about this, I'll be the bad guy and no one will ever joke around with me again. In fact, maybe this will get blown all out of proportion and no one will ever be able to joke around, ever. I'm going to have to do even more paperwork than I already do. I don't want to sue anyone, I just want this bullshit to stop so I can work in some semblance of peace. Maybe it would just be easier to find a new job or get transferred or something.
Lawmaker's perspective:
Wow, will I get re-elected if I vote for, or even worse propose, some law governing this? If it passes, does this mean I can't have any more cute interns working for me? I'm sure somebody that contributed $$$ to my campaign would be against this...in fact, I think I'll have my intern look into the leanings of my contributors...brilliant!
My commentary:
Even ignoring the 4th and most satyrical perspective, its pretty obvious that sexual harassment isn't a black and white issue. People don't understand just how complicated it is until they're involved in a dispute. We hear about more cases where the existing laws are abused because most real cases go unreported and they stick in our minds more because we're more afraid of them. A potential sexual harassment case makes everyone involved think they're going to look bad - that they're caught in a lose-lose situation - so everyone would rather keep it quiet. Where is the incentive for anyone to do "the right thing?" What is "the right thing," to do? That depends on your perspective.